We have all asked ourselves at least once – how long should I wait before becoming intimate with a new partner? If you advance to sex too soon, you risk leaving the wrong impression, turning your partner off, and pushing him or her away. On the other hand, if you wait too long, your partner may lose interest waiting for you to make a move.
Meeting somebody new is always fun and exciting, and when sexual attraction and chemistry gets involved, things get even more exciting. Sex is a very important part of every relationship, and timing is an integral part of that equation.
How Long Should You Wait Before Having Sex?
Our brain and heart often send us “contradictory messages”. Just about everyone, at one time or another, has felt very aroused by a partner. Sometimes you let your body take over and fall to the temptation. Other times, the brain kicks in, and you stop yourself because it’s not the right time to “go there” just yet.
Neither decision is right or wrong. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides of the sexual coin. It often comes down to trusting yourself, going with your gut, and weighing the potential consequences and benefits of your decision.
Here are several useful tips you can use to help you figure out when it’s the right time to have sex with a new partner:
1. Always Keep Your Brain Alert
If you have just met somebody and find yourself at the very beginning of your relationship, then it is important to keep your brain alert at all times so you can make clear decisions. Avoid drinking too much alcohol, and try not to put yourself in compromising situations if you don’t yet know the other person and aren’t truly comfortable with them just yet. At the beginning of a relationship is when you’re most likely to make a sexual decision you regret later.
2. Stay Calm And Think Objectively
Another important tip is to simply analyze your partner and to observe his or her urge to have sex with you. Does your partner send you obvious signals that he or she might get physical? Do they “accidentally” touch you, come close to you, or gaze deeply into your eyes without any apparent reason? Do they talk dirty over text messages or communicate with you in a flirtatious and sexual way?
Take a deep breath and try to look at things in an objective manner.
If you feel that you cannot think straight at the time, or that you are under a great deal of stress, then try some slow breathing exercises that will activate what is known as the “parasympathetic nervous system”. This will stimulate the blood flow to your brain and boost your cognitive function.
The best time to have sex with a new partner is when both of you are ready and feel comfortable doing it. Don’t let your partner’s sexual urges influence your decision if you aren’t ready. At the same time, don’t try to force yourself upon your partner and respect their decisions if they want to wait.
3. Open Up!
Perhaps the most effective tip (and also the most difficult one to apply) is to openly discuss sexual desires, fantasies, and needs with your partner. Be honest and upfront. If you aren’t ready for sex, tell them. If you desire to take your relationship to the next level, make that known as well.
Ideally, this should be done face to face, as opposed to discussing via text messages, e-mails or social media, as feelings and emotions often get distorted through these platonic environments. Talking about sex involves very intimate and personal questions, and requires a degree of closeness. If you feel too ashamed or embarrassed to discuss these things openly with your partner, then you most likely aren’t ready for sex with them and should work on first developing greater intimacy through communication.